Jaimie: What, to you, is happiness?
• Chris: Happiness is doing what I like to do. Playing music, and doing this. And playing Playstation. Not having a bunch of people, you know, yellin' at ya and tellin' you how to flip burgers.
  Jaimie: Yeah, I bet. [to Erik] And you?
• Erik: Happiness is...
• Chris: A vagina.
• Erik: That's... one definition of happiness, yes. [Jaimie laughs]
• Chris: Beer.
• Erik: Beer is another definition of happiness.
• Chris: Beer, a vagina, and no job.
• Erik: I dunno, just being able to do what you love to do, and not having to answer to anybody for it.
  Jaimie: Being a rock star helps!
• Erik: Didn't hurt.

Jaimie: What is your guilty pleasure? Vaginas and beer?
• Chris: Uh... guilty pleasure.
• Erik: Jagermeister. Which... he's coming today buddy! I haven't had any in... almost... months.
• Chris: Probably mine would have to be smoking pot. My guilty pleasure.
• Erik: I don't ever really smoke on the road, but like at home, guilty pleasure is smokin', sittin' on the couch with my girlfriend and watching TV.
  Jaimie: Eatin' chips.
• Erik: Yeah.

Jaimie: What was your first kiss like?
• Chris: Wet.
  Jaimie: [laughing] That could be your answer if you want.
• Chris: It was! It was a wet one.
• Erik: Mine was too.
• Chris: 'Jesus christ, I've never seen this much saliva in my life!' [everyone laughs]
• Erik: Mine was too. I think I had a hard-on for about three weeks after that too. It was like, 'I don't know what's happening! This girl has got her, this eighth grader has got her tongue in my mouth!'
  Jaimie: [still laughing] Was she an older woman?
• Erik: Yes she was!
  Jaimie: Oh my!
• Erik: Karen Davidson.
  Jaimie: She's famous now!
• Erik: That's right.

Jaimie: Who would play you in the film version of your life?
• Chris: Oh man, let's see, who would play me? Ugh. [to Erik] You got anybody, you know anybody...?
• Erik: (immediately) Danny DeVito.
• Chris: Danny DeVito would probably play...
• Erik: He's funny enough to capture the Chris Burney. Who would play me?
• Chris: Let's see...
• Erik: Actually, you know what, I can see John Goodman with you, too.
• Chris: John Goodman would play me, huh? Are you just saying that 'cause he's fat?
• Erik: No, I'm sayin' it 'cause he...
• Chris: Asshole.
• Erik: I'm just tryin' to pick out people that, like, capture you...
• Chris: Why not, I think Brad Pitt would have to play me.
  Jaimie: There you go!
• Erik: I don't think Brad Pitt has the...
  Jaimie: He's a good actor.
• Erik: ...has a good attitute...
• Chris: He is a good actor.
• Erik: He doesn't have the right attitude for you.
  Jaimie: Yeah, he's not known for being funny though.
• Chris: He could put on some weight...
  Jaimie: Robin Williams, you can't go wrong with that.
• Erik: Robin Williams would be good, Robin Williams would be a little too hyper though.
• Chris: Actually, I know who could play me. Young fella, Ashton Kutcher.
• Erik: Ashton, Ashton could play you.
• Chris: He could play me. Put on some weight.
• Erik: He could definitely play you.
• Chris: Put him in a fat suit.
• Erik: He could definitely play you.
  Jaimie: [to Erik] What about you?
• Erik: I dunno. Who do you say? [to Chris]
• Chris: Oh boy, let's see, who would play you. [long pause]
• Erik: I'll say this, if Matthew McConaughey played me...
• Chris: That would be a good one. I could see Matthew McConaughey playing you.
• Erik: Developed one of the greatest characters in any movie of all time... Wooderson, from "Dazed and Confused." When I grow up, I wanna be Wooderson.

Jaimie: Who's your favorite band that nobody's heard of? You mentioned somebody before...
• Erik: Blue October. Um...
  Jaimie: Some unsigned band...
• Chris: Favorite band that nobody's heard of...
  Jaimie: Bowling For Soup.
• Chris: I don't like anybody. [Jaimie laughs] Probably, I'd say S.T.U.N.!
  Jaimie: I believe we have an interview up with them.
• Chris: Definitly, I like them alot.
• Erik: Another band from Dallas that, uh...
• Chris: Slow Roosevelt.
• Erik: ...no longer exists, but their music is out there online, go find it, they're called The Grand Street Cryers. Like, their first album is possibly one of the coolest, like, alternative country albums that I've heard in a long time.
• Chris: For more of, like, a garage band, would be Slow Roosevelt.
• Jaimie: Yeah? You guys ever catch any of the local bands when you go home?
• Chris: Sometimes.
• Erik: As much as we can. It's not always possible.
  Jaimie: Are you starting to get recognized when you go out? At least at home I'm sure you are.
• Erik: At home it's been awhile. It's nice to get your dinner taken care of every once in a while, get in the movies for free. Another unheard of band from Dallas, Chomsky.
  Jaimie: Chompsky?
• Erik: Yes.
  Jaimie: Is that with a 'p'? Chompsky?
• Erik: No, like Noam Chomsky.

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