Jaimie: What is happiness?
• Chris: What is happiness?
  Jaimie: Happiness.
  
• Chris: Having a clean toilet to shit in every morning, that's your toilet...
  Jaimie: Your own...
  
• Chris: That fifty truckers haven't laid their hairy, sweaty, nappy asses on.
  Jaimie: (laughing) That would be.. yeah.
  
• Chris: Flies swarming in shit...
  Jaimie: It's the simple things in life.
  
• Chris: You sit down, your balls are sitting in a trucker's shit, ok? That's happiness. Not having to deal with that.
  Jaimie: I don't have that problem, but I sympathize with you!
  
• Chris: (laughs)

Jaimie: (still laughing) What is your guilty pleasure?
• Chris: (also still laughing) Uh... guilty pleasure... I gamble too much. Poker, specifically. I'm up six hundred dollars, though. First time ever.
  Jaimie: Well, congratulations.
  
• Chris: Thank you.

Jaimie: What was your first kiss like?
• Chris: Terrible. It gave me mono, for real.
  Jaimie: (busts out laughing) And I never kissed again!
  
• Chris: Yeah. I got mono.
  Jaimie: Wow.
  
• Chris: The girl: "I just have strep throat!"
  "Well, why didn't you tell me you had strep throat?"
  "Well, I wanted to kiss you!"
  "Well, you didn't have strep throat, you had mono!"

Jaimie: Nice. Who would play you in the film version of your life?
• Chris: (without hesitation) David Hasselhoff.
  Jaimie: With KITT?
  
• Chris: With KITT and Pamela Anderson.
  Jaimie: There you go, on the hood!
• Chris: On the hood.
  Jaimie: You know that KITT would be enjoying that.
  
• Chris: Yeah.

Jaimie: Who's your favorite band that no one has heard of?
• Chris: The Doughboys. From Montreal, Canada.

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