Jaimie: Ok, say your name!
• Phil: I'm Phil!
  
• Dan: Oh, names? I'm Dan.

Jaimie: Ok. What is happiness?
• Phil: What is happiness... Ooh...
  
• Dan: Um, a big fu... I was gonna say f... the F word. A big...
  Jaimie: You can say the F word if you want!
  
• Dan: A big fucking McDonald's cheeseburger! Happiness for me.
  Jaimie: With onions?
  
• Dan: But, maybe not for... no, no onions. No pickles, no onions. It's probably different for Phil, but, that makes a man happy.
  
• Phil: Happiness is security, for me.
  Jaimie: Aww.
  
• Dan: I'm easily, you know....
  
• Phil: Security in everything.

Jaimie: Alright, well this will go back to your cheeseburger I guess, but what is your guilty pleasure?
• Phil: Ooh, Lion's Choice roast beef and chedder! It's this roast beef place in St. Louis. [moans]
  
• Dan: Yeah.
  Jaimie: What's the name of it? Give it some [free press].
  
• Phil: Lion's Choice.
  
• Dan: See, I got the McDonald's right here. [shows McDonald's tattoo on his left arm]
  Jaimie: Oh my god! [laughs]
  
• Dan: So, I'd have to stick with McDonald's for me.
  Jaimie: I'd say. Holy shit! [Phil laughs] That's so sad!

Jaimie: What was your first kiss like?
• Phil: Incredible!
  Jaimie: (to Dan) Your first kiss, what was it like?
  
• Dan: Ummm... I don't know, I was young.
  Jaimie: ...with Phil. [laughs]
  
• Dan: Yeah, it was me and Phil, actually.
  
• Phil: Mine was smooth. Just incredible.
  
• Dan: Yeah, uh. It was cool, you know, it was on a street. I remember it was under a street light. Cause you know, when you're fourteen or however old I was, you know, you didn't have cars, so you...
  Jaimie: It was a real moment.
  
• Dan: It was like, you walk romantically down the street with your girlfriend. And then we made out under the street light, I do remember that.

Jaimie: Who would play you in the film version of your life?
• Phil: Ooh, gee, cause ain't nobody as cool as me! Dang!
  Jaimie: Word up! [both crack up]
  
• Dan: Yeah, yeah.
  
• Phil: No, no...
  
• Dan: Arnold Schwarzenegger for me, definitely. Look at me, I'm ripped!
  Jaimie: I can see the, uh, resemblance. [Dan laughs]
  
• Phil: Oh I have no idea. I would have to... Ooh! Christopher Guest! ["This Is Spinal Tap"] He's a freakin' genius, you know?!
  Jaimie: Alright!

Jaimie: And... who's your favorite band that no one's heard of?
• Phil: Sophomore.
  
• Dan: Letter Kills. We share a bus with those guys. Good band!

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