by Cristy
May 10, 2001

I relinquished part of my integrity today.

Building a business, any business, is remarkably difficult, and that feat is exponentially increased with the addition of two features: the competitive nature of rock and roll and the derogatory perception of women connected with it. Anyone who enters this industry, whether musician, manager, journalist, or label personnel do so out of an adoration and attachment to the music. When no one returns your phone calls or emails, you miss deadlines, or your promised interview subject bolts, sometimes it's the only thing that keeps you going. We learn quickly to scramble for whatever opportunities present themselves, for they are often few and far between.

I was presented with such an opportunity recently, to have a VIP laminate and attend a major rock show, but there was one catch - I was to be the date of a major record company executive. The possibilities swam before me; the connections I could make, the relationships I could begin to build, the potential advantages for my burgeoning music community. I was acutely aware of the sacrifices many people would make to be in the company of this man, just because of what he represented and seemingly could give them. I knew these things, because I wanted them too. Unfortunately, the decision was not that simple.

To be perfectly frank, women in rock and roll face a totally different set of challenges as their male counterparts. Being on stage or connected with the business will make a man sexy, regardless of his age or physical characteristics, while a woman must first be sexually desirable before anyone will glance twice in her direction. Then the problem becomes getting past the groupie stereotype; convincing management, public relations, road crew and the artists themselves that you are not a new toy, but in fact a bonafide media player. This takes persistence, patience and determination- sometimes it will take the second coming.

I labored over this decision, consulting more than a few opinions along the way. Too many demonstrated a complete lack of understanding about power positions and the potential damage inflicted on the person on the lower rung. "I'd date him if he signed us," joked one male musician, which is incredibly easy for him to say when his intellect, talent or accomplishments have never been ignored in favor of the length of his skirt, the depth of his neckline, or style of his hair. I'm quite sure he's never been asked by a colleague for an unclothed image, groped while conducting an interview, or been forced to contend with the negative repercussions of romantic rumors.

I erred by sacrificing myself on the alter of ambition. To worsen matters, I was lead there by a woman who has carved a niche for herself by being available to artists in a "personal assistant" capacity. She will do whatever task they assign her in exchange for tickets, laminates, photographs or other memorabilia. This includes locating willing and attractive women for the crew and band. Unlike myself, she is perfectly comfortable with a man spending obscene amounts of money to supplement her wardrobe, or hand delivering the rock cretins their next juicy tidbit. She sees no ethical dilemma, and her justification is that the women in question want to be there, she is only facilitating the inevitable.

As a result, she possesses certain affiliations, and at least one of them fairly significant, but what she also has is a black cloud over her head. Although they may not voice it, worthy people have no respect for her tactics, and they speculate about the nature of her associations. As I experienced in my first and only plunge into role of companion, no one regards you with any amount of credibility - regardless of the face they present.

The lessons I have learned from this incident are too numerous to recount, but the biggest and most important of all is this - whatever we do here at Score! Music, and however we do it, we're doing it on our terms. Nobody else's. And as for the woman in question and others like her; I think it would do them well to remember that accomplices go to prison too, just look at Heidi Fleiss.